Goddamn Christmas Spirit

Christmas is without a doubt my favourite time of year, especially now they've put lights in the trees in Hammersmith. But it seems that there are a few miserable fuckers in town determined to ruin it for everybody else.
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I'm sure it's not an exclusively London thing, but there are more people so necessarily more aggro, especially at this time of year when there are only so many packets of Extra-Special bread sauce to go around in the local Tesco Metro.

Last week, I was barged - actually barged - from behind twice by angry men who once I'd got out of their way stil proceeded to abuse me for ever daring to darken their path. One even told me that I 'didn't need to barge him' which would have been hard as I was standing still in a checkout queue about to move to the till when he ran into me in a rabid attempt to queue jump.

Festive spirit

Wow. A holiday and a few deadlines and it's suddenly four months since a post.

I know it's only day one of advent but there's still a supremely unfestive feeling round the West side - I thought Christmas was supposed to be starting earlier. It's quite disappointing.

Hammersmith's Broadway centre has gone for a tacky neon stars vibe, but has put the stars are on the ceiling so you can barely see them anyway. It fits in with the rest of town, which has a stringy tree in the square and some more stuck to lampposts on King Street. The Kings Mall has continued its ugliness riff inside with some decade-old green wreaths. There's nothing at all in the real centre of town though - the junction that both tube stations spew onto - aside from some festive red and green traffic lights.

But for a town based essentially around several large traffic systems, there aren't any street signs there either. Everyone who arrives there is essentially heading somewhere else and but H+F are on a mission to make you take a little tour first.

I don't know whether I'm just susceptible to this sort of thing. but i get asked for directions to King Street, or the Novotel, or Shepherds Bush Road at least twice a week. God help any poor tourists trying to find the River Café.

I once got on a bus there with a guy who, once we'd reached Goldhawk Road, asked how many stops it was until Hammersmith Broadway.

Posh pubs and fishmongers

Soon this entire side of town - hell, the entire town will be one mass of pubs selling £14 burgers and Belgian beer and shops too expensive to shop in.

And then there are the even more excruciatingly expensive houses and flats that come with it. The only people who will be able to afford to live here and buy a house will be city tossers who get the kind of bonuses that mean they can wander into Fuckstons and slap a wad of cash down.

This isn't quite born of nothing. I noticed the other day that Acton, of all places, now has what looks like two new gatropubs. I know, I know, there's the Rocket and the Churchfield behind Acton Park, but these are on the High Street. Acton High street, with its grotty swimming pool, Lidl, and discount shoe stores. I can't be sure how inappropriate they are, as I haven't been in yet, but one has a white menu outside, and the other definitely has chandeliers. Who are they expecting to attract - overspill from the Redback?

Oh, and a trendy fishmonger of the sort that'll soon be profiled in Observer Food Monthly has just opened on Shepherds Bush Road. Hell, it's even been mentioned already in the OBserver magazine. Hammersmith Grove I could understand. The posh people of Shepherds Bush and Hammersmith need somewhere to call their own. But it's spreading.

It's terrible hypocrisy really, because everyone loves to feel that they're living in a nice area and God knows, in the case of the pubs, W3 could do with a bit more civic pride. Still, I can't help feeling that they're not going to do too well. In few months time I fear they'll either be run down or more boarded up fronts. Hope not, but it seems too soon for the area. And if they do survive, eventually all the other businesses that make the area interesting and surprising will be priced out. I notice that Just Like Home (purveyors of Aussie, S.A and NZ foodstuffs) is already closing down.

Askew Road's done it well. There are some random food shops, some good places to eat but nothing too posh. The Eagle at the bottom of the road is a bit on the post side but still half the price of the nearby Seven Stars. It's been a gradual thing, and even the little fishmonger opened quietly a couple of weeks ago. The most recent addition is a Caribbean food cafe. The random record shops are still there, as is the civic library, with its funny smells, the chippy and the Costcutter.

Water water everywhere

Floods in Hammersmith.

These look strangely similar to some recent Thames Water ads that appeared on the tube. They were clearly photoshopped images of monuments like Battersea Power Station, full of water, illustrating Thames's amazing savings. Sometimes you don't need a punchline - just the photshop know-how to stick a libellous logo in the corner...

Kings Street is still closed, and the leak ripped a TWELVE foot crater in the road. Isn't King Street 12 foot wide? Anyway, the buses are still diverted up the eternally immobile Shepherds Bush Road and Hammersmith gets even more traffic problems and ugly roadworks. It's not the prettiest of places to begin with (a consequence of being based around a motorway entrance).

And then yesterday, it had the audacity to rain as well.

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Just a thought: America has Mr T, we have Jimmy Saville. He was on tv tonight, looking like an unwrapped mummy in a shellshuit - very frightening.

Meat and drink

Every area of town has its culinary delights. Bagels and curries in east central. Vietnamese around Hackney. Disgusting week -old pizza in west and west central.

I read a couple of weeks ago that the bit of Shepherds Bush on Uxbridge Road, beginning at the H&C line station with Abu Zaad and a new place soon opening, and down around 500 yards to Damas Gate is now known as Little Syria, due to the number of Middle Eastern restaurants around there.

Those places are good, but if you can spare 20 minutes, make the trip to Acton Vale and the Lebanese Food Centre (half the sign is missing at the moment). Half supermarket, half cafe/restaurant, it's run by guys who are in there, making their own pastries, frying falafels and building kebabs from 6am every day. It's open until 11am and is, without a doubt, the nicest fast food you will ever eat. Abu Zaad pales into insignificance beside it, good as it is (as long as you stick to the starters, grill or wraps).

If you must eat in Shepherds Bush and want fast food, please resist the temptation to go to the Chop Chop noodle bar next to the Central line station. Yes, they are open all hours and will serve foor in under 5 minutes. But ask yourself - how?

Characters...

As we've got a fairly wide remit here, there are several we could talk about. We'll avoid the notorious Sinner/Winner loudhailer man, as he's in the West End and gets far too much pubicity already.

I saw a chap in Hammersmith a couple of weeks ago who merits a mention. A fairly short, but lithe and muscular middle aged black guy, who was wearing white tights, grey knee socks and men's velcro sandals. He'd teamed this with a natty (and tiny) pair of purple shorts, a floral shirt (straining at his broad shoulders) and a beautifully combed Barbara Streisand-style silver blonde bobbed wig.

He was in the Post Office, which always tends to have a fairly decent oddball population, but this guy was striking enough to stand out from them all.

He had clearly put a lot of thought into his outfit - shorts and shirt were both nicely ironed. I'm sure he had other clothes, but he clearly felt comfortable as he was.

Hammersmith also boasts a lady who comes up to you asking for change with her hand outstretched, making a sort of wailing noise. When you say no, she responds with a very loud and disappointed sort of scream/moan.

I'm not averse to giving money or food to homeless people but I've only ever retreated in fear from that poor lady. How shameful.

Talking of the West End (as we so nearly were), Oxford Circus seemed to temporarily become Speakers' Corner one day last week. Sinner/Winner guy was, as ususal, outside H&M saving some souls, the Hare Krishna monks were dancing, shaking tamborines and hollering outside the Nike store and another preacher, who needed to work on his vocal technique was outside the station entrance. All three were all battling for the ears and soul of the general populus, who were of course, all ignoring them, head down, London-style. Apart from one guy, that is, who was hopping with the Hare Krishnas. Definitely the most fun option of the three.

Not strictly about the West...

Although I've got to say, this part of town has some interesting stories and characters. But then, there might be the odd story about the north, east or south, when I venture out there.